Legionese
Overview
Legionese is a code language formed by breaking down a simple sentence into its fundamental components, and expanding those components at an exponential rate, intertwining them with random thoughts and tangents. Simple statements spoken in Legionese cannot be done in a single paragraph, for that would be grammatically incorrect. Typical statements are heavy in airquotes and parenthesized comments. Few can speak Legionese and fewer can translate it.
Examples
A Legionese sentence:
"Greetings, my dear friend. I am currently noticing that you has a very odd disposition at these moment. I am intrigue by this and am wondering what might be afflicting you, sir or madam. In ancient yugoslavia, the nudists would greet each other via pounding their chests. Speaking of 'pounding', I had some pound cake the other day. It was okay but was lacking in yeast. Yeast is a 'special' organism (any living creature) used (in aid) for makes bread expand. Do you like yeast in your cereal? If so, then I find that to be quite unusual.
So far, to my knowledge, we have not spoken to each other in approximately 6 weeks (It might have been more than 6 weeks though). It's more than likely it could have been 7 or 8 weeks, but I have doubts in my mind that it was greater than that. We should make up for this by 1.) Sitting down and having a lenghty chat about what's happened since our last conversation 2.) Trade jokes and other funny stories. However this may fall into the previous course of action from time to time. 3.) Go out to town and have dinner. I hear a new restaurant has opened up. This is a relief as many restaurants have been closing lately. To be honest this comes as no surprise with all the new tax laws coming into place by our local 'government'. We really should initiate a new election."
This would translate into: "Hi, how are you?"
Response
When faced with the task of reading a Legionese essay, most people are overwhelmed and shy away. A few elite linguists will undertake the task of deciphering and translating the essay, however.